querylily

last exit

The New York Times reported this morning on the death, yesterday, of Hubert Selby, Jr., whose book, "Last Exit to Brooklyn", I haven't yet gotten around to reading, although I have managed to see the movie with Jennifer Jason Leigh as Tralala.

I'd like to say that it all reminds me of a country music song, "I've got a little tralala in me, and you've got a lot of man in you" ...but I can't.

Farewell Hubert Selby, Jr., son of a coal miner, and who was quoted in the Times obit as having said this about the characters in his most famous book:

"These are not literary characters; these are real people. I knew these people. How can anybody look inside themselves and be surprised at the hatred and violence in the world? It's inside all of us."

[27 April 2004] link?

ugh

Tax day...ugh.

[15 April 2004] link?

a toolkit for dreams

I have had several vivid dreams this week. Ever so often, as in several of the dreams this week, I have noticed that parts of dreams seem made from elements of previous dreams. Widgets from a dream toolkit.

[15 April 2004] link?

the anxiety of difference

Yesterday morning I had an especially vivid dream involving several people I can not quite place, and my dad, dead now some thirty years.

I was an adult, but in what felt like my old bedroom from my teen years. I had applied copious amounts of red lipstick to my lips, looking quite glamourous. Suddenly, my dad's old Rambler pulled up in the driveway and I found myself in a panic, roughly rubbing away at my lips with a towel, the red lipstick holding fast.

I awoke with a unpleasant anxious feeling, as if I were quilty of some horrible act. Even at age 52, and pretty open about my sexuality and gender quirkiness, I was suddenly revisited with that anxiety I felt especially vividly in my teens. That sense of dread that anyone should find out about the real me, the one in my room, posing in the mirror, hair teased up, looking as girly as I could be.

[15 April 2004] link?

QueryLily

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